The most fascinating thing about dating is how, what we want and expect to happen on a date, doesn’t always correspond to what REALLY happens on a date.
For a couple of seconds, I want you to think back and remember a guy you dated that you were immediately attracted to on the very first date.
Remember how that very first sight gave you butterflies? Remember how just thinking about him made you tingle? Remember how when you weren’t with him, all you could think about was being with him again?
Infatuation is a dangerous feeling. But how does this affect your love life?
Most infatuated women become a little obsessive. If you’re anything like most women then you’ll probably start checking your phone every 5 minutes to see if he called or texted. You become a little needy. You constantly tell your friends about him and share every single detail of your conversations with them.
You can’t properly communicate with him because whilst trying not to say the wrong thing, you often say nothing. Or even worse, you say something so pointless that even you can’t believe you actually said that.
You start feeling stressed and begin to act nervous. You don’t want to mess anything up because you like him so much so you’re no longer as easy going, relaxed or even charming when you’re with him.
He gets you overly excited and you show it. You compliment him all the time and he starts to see it. You even tell him that you see/want a future here.
You start to become weak because you’re so impressed with him and so concerned about what he thinks that you put him high on a pedestal, a rightful place in your mind.
And here’s your biggest mistake.
The moment you put anyone on a pedestal, they start looking down on you. If up until that point he thought you were equal, the moment he’s high and mighty he will realize that “he’s above you”.
“Sadly, this is one of the biggest drawbacks of being infatuated by a man.”
Neediness, nervousness, over excitement and weakness – these words define a woman that is infatuated by a new man in her life.
Sit back and think about them for a second. Do you find them attractive?
Then it shouldn’t be a big surprise when that man you like so much, upon seeing a needy, nervous and weak woman, stops calling you. With all honesty, what would you expect him to do? You come out way to serious about him, way too early and that obviously scares him away.
It’s sad when you think about it. Wouldn’t it be much easier to just be yourself around him? You might think that being excited comes out as awkward (and that’s not so bad), being needy comes out as a devoted girlfriend (which also isn’t bad), being nervous comes out as being “real” with him (and that can’t be bad either, right?). So why is your behavior scaring him off, if these things can’t be that bad?
To better understand what going on, let’s look at this from your perspective.
You go on a first date with a decent guy. Immediately, he feels incredibly attracted to you.
He starts to tell you how beautiful you are, how incredibly fascinating you are, how amazingly funny you are. He tells you that he sees a future here; he even tells you that he’s ready to be exclusive with a girl like you because you’re just that great.
All of this on the first date!
Now, let me ask this: how do you feel about this man?
Most women will immediately HATE him. Why? Because he’s needy, he doesn’t even see you for who you are, because he’s just projecting his desire to be with someone, onto you.
It doesn’t matter if he’s just being himself and hoping you’ll give him a chance, you won’t give him a chance because he doesn’t have any value in your eyes.
So, don’t you think this is exactly how a man feels when you are infatuated with him and he stops calling? You’re so impressed with him that there’s no challenge, no need for hard work. Basically, it’s all just of matter of him saying “when”.
The secret lies in your perceived value.
The more he has to work for you, the higher your perceived value. If he doesn’t have to work, then there’s no perceived value. Men love the chase and you have to make the chase part of you dating routine. It doesn’t matter how you feel about a guy, if there’s no chase, then there’s no guy.
I’m not saying it’s essential to play games but it is essential to have a high perceived value. If you’re overwhelmed with emotions, don’t show them. If you are not sure about how you’re going to behave on the next date, postpone the date until you feel more relaxed.
When you find a guy you really like, play it cool.
Do not let him know that you like him so much. Make him work for you. Put those emotions aside and start acting like you do when you’re with your best friends. Be your confident, playful, self assured self. You have a much better chance of getting somewhere with a guy you actually like if you’re your BEST self than if you’re that needy, overly excited version of you.
Finally, try not to judge men so hard for doing the exact same things that you do on a date. He’s just being honest and there’s nothing wrong with that, right?
I honestly believe that a guy who is excited around you is going to be much better long term than that guy who is NOT excited around you. Even though you might see this as a sign of weakness (and it may very well be) when it comes something meaningful and long term, this guy might actually be better than the rest. So, do your best not to hold it against him.
It’s easy to judge a guy for being needy around you, for being into you too much. But, it’s not always that easy to see when you’re being the same way.