How Do Men Fall In Love?

by Alex Matlock

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We all, men and women alike, might feel the same things when we are in love but, the journey to love is an entirely different experience. When women fall in love, they are filled with bursts of happiness and other mixed feelings a man will never be able to comprehend, men on the other hand, are completely different.

You see, unlike women, that experience intense surges of affections as soon as they meet a guy, men feel something completely different when they meet a woman.

This article is here to show you the phases and the journey a man goes trough before he eventually loves a woman.

Phase 1. The “I Like You” Phase

Unfortunately, men are very shallow creatures. This initial stage is all about instant physical attraction. If you ever thought a guy initially liked you as a person…oh boy! how wrong were you.

Some women may fall in love during the first conversation but sadly, in the beginning stages men are only attracted by a woman’s physical appearance.

Don’t be fooled by the “physical appearance” statement. It does NOT mean the whole package. Every man is different and likes different things about a woman. For example, most men are attracted by breasts (may it be small or large) and also by your curvy behind (again, may it be small or large). More sophisticated men (and usually older – over 25) are attracted by smaller things such as lips, eyes, nose and even the way you gracefully move or act in the presence of a man…it’s never about the whole package but more about our specific appeal in women.

Sometimes a guy may not even realize what appeals to him in a woman, but if he has such feelings, he will begin the “I Like You” phase.

Phase 2. The Scouting Phase

Most guys like a lot of women for many reasons and as a result they will “scout” and see which one of them will respond to their advances. Yes, we men try to get as many women as we can, at any given time. It’s only when a girl has passed the “scouting” phase (by accepting our small advances) that we begin to focus our attention only on her.

These advances are very discreet and are not upfront flirting. We basically need that little confirmation that if we do start to chase you, something will happen.

Even though we like her, in this stage we don’t really care about the outcome so, if she rejects us, doesn’t respond to our advances etc we generally don’t feel a thing and move on to other women that we like. Sure, there are exceptions, but generally this is how guys think at this point.

Phase 3. The Chase

If a woman we liked gave even the slightest positive response to our advances, we will start the chase. Sometimes those signs aren’t even obvious, we just believe in ourselves that you like us back and as a result we start the chase.

The chase is all about winning your attention. In this stage our aim is to get you to notice us and understand that we are into you. Once this has become clear, and you have given us a shot (by agreeing to go out with us etc) we move into the next phase.

Phase 4. The “I’m Going To Impress You” Phase

By this time some women are actually starting to fall in love, but us men, are not even close to it. This whole stage is all about impressing you. We do everything in our power to show you that we are a worthy mate.

We plan dates, flood you with gifts and generally trying to make you happy whilst hoping to really impress you. It’s in this stage that many women (that have held out, until now) give in to the guy’s advances.

Phase 5. The “I Want You To Love Me” Phase

If we are having success so far, we want to know that you love us. Gaining your love and commitment is our utmost highest achievement. Instead of falling in love ourselves, in this stage, all we worry about is how to make you fall in love with us.

In this stage we might even show our relationship skills thus proving that we are indeed a lifelong partner. You might have already fallen in love by this stage but, this is when we need to see it.

Phase 6. The Decision Phase

If we get into this stage it means you’ve clearly expressed your feelings and we know that we have managed to have your love and commitment. Now, unfortunately for both parties involved, all we did up until this point was to prove to you that we are indeed “exactly” what you are looking for in a man.

Because of this, 2 core problems arise:

  1. We weren’t actually being our 100% selves, so the man you’ve fallen in love with isn’t exactly the man you think he is.
  2. We never wondered if you’re actually right for us since our desire to impress you was based purely on our INITIAL physical attraction.

It’s at this phase when we finally start to wonder if a real relationship may blossom here. It’s at this point when we start to actually observe you as a real person (and I know this may sound shallow) and see if we actually like you in this department.

Finally, it’s at this stage when we decide if you are worth trying a long term relationship with. We ask ourselves: Do I love her? Do I want to be with her? Will I be happy with her? Is she the woman I want?

It’s easy for us, even at this stage, to dismiss a girl based on some seemingly pointless reasons but its how we are as a species. We are genetically engineered to “spread thy seed” so the girl that we do eventually decide to love and be with has to be perfect from our perspective – but it’s also the same for you…the only difference is that you probably make up your mind sooner.

Phase 7. The “I Love You” Phase

If the decision stage was negative, it’s at this stage when the guy will either dump you if you had a short relationship or start ignoring you if you guys just had a fling.

On the other hand, if he decided he does want to give love a try, he is now ready for it. The next few months 3-4 will be the best stages of any relationship. He will give in to his feelings and be overwhelmed with love. You will start to see him taking care of you, acting jealous and all the other great things about love.

It may seem harsh and unrealistic that a guy has to DECIDE whether or not he wants to fall in love, but we don’t always rationalize what we are doing – these things are imbedded into us at an instinctual level and the fact that we DENY love early in these phases is only because it’s our defense mechanism preventing us from getting hurt.

Important Note: This is how men fall in love if the woman we are after gives in to all of our advances. If you want to turn a guy on his head, don’t give in to ALL OF HIS advances, don’t say “I love you” when he wants you to say it, basically turn his world upside down and then you’ll see a man falling helplessly in love, not being able to control his own emotions.

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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Algo

Nice post

Reply

Anitah

I’ve really loved your article bt i have very many questions buffling me right now especially after reading this article.
how do i make him fall madly in love with me?????

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Brooklyn

Awesome read… It really helped me out.. Sometimes in this area I feel so lost, you have no idea! These kind of articles ground me and help me to look at things in perspective. Great job!

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Forest

I have that someone that i hardly figure out what he’s thinking and if he really love me or if he ever loved me. We’ve known each other for nearly a year now and we see each other frequently, he’ll whisper to me he love me when im asleep. I just can’t figure out what’s on his mind since he’s not the type of guy who shows his feeling.

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Kell-meister

Actually, as a man interested in understanding how I fall in love, I find this quite insightful. However, as a warning to women, I really wouldn’t take any kind of head games so if any woman tried to play games with me it would be “so long. Have a nice life”. And to be fair, as a woman, would you want some wimp that you can control and dominate so easily?

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Imagineer

If you are sleeping with him before you know he loves you, why should he go further? He’s got you whether he loves you or not. He may not even respect you much less love you. Hold out. He’ll more like you and respect you if you don’t go to the next phase first.

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The 4 Big Mistakes

Linda, you might be making one or more of the 4 big mistakes that most women make. Some men are repelled by these mistakes.

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belinda

I realy want to know how to make a man crazly to fall in love,,,

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Caroline

Thanks for teaching me something

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Angela

I have made all of these mistakes with the man I love :( I just wish I can get him out of my head

Reply

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