I get a lot of emails from my readers, unfortunately more than I can actually answer but, there’s a pattern. It seems that many women make the same mistakes over and over regardless of the stage of their relationships.
In order to help you correct these mistakes, to help you stand out from all the other women, to get you closer to the healthier, happier, relationship you want; I’ve identified the 10 major mistakes that most of you make. If you can at least understand and then try to correct these mistakes, I promise you, your relationship will change for the better.
Let’s get to it.
1. You Act Jealous/Insane When He Looks at Or Talks To Other Women
As a man, I can confidently say that it’s in our nature to look. If you just act jealous and flip out when we do, it shows us that you’re insecure. Being insecure is a very big turn off for us guys. If you find that you’re constantly jealous when he’s around other women you need to reevaluate some issues in this relationship. First, you need to build up on your self-esteem. No man will want to cheat on a woman that’s confident and secure about her position in a relationship. Second, you need to evaluate the trust issues found in this relationships, more so, do you trust him or not?
And finally, you need to see if he’s trying to make you jealous on purpose (or that he is actually trying to cheat). With all honesty, if a man is trying to cheat, he WILL NEVER try to do it in front of you (at least no smart man will). That being said, if he’s talking to a woman in front of you, know that he’s probably just talking.
Jealousy is an unnecessary emotion, an unnecessary strain that people put on their minds. At the end of the day, if one wants to cheat, he will cheat regardless of the fact that you’re jealous or not. Acting jealous will only destroy a relationship regardless of what the other person is doing. With that in mind, what’s the point of wasting precious energy on something like jealousy when you could be doing a LOT more productive things in that time? You need to believe in yourself, you need to be sure that the person you’re with has absolutely no reason to cheat on you and if he does do it, then he’s the ONLY one losing out. If any guy cheats on you, you’ve just found out that your relationship was doomed to fail eventually anyway. The first thing on your mind should be “Thank god this happened now!”
2. You’re Not Giving Him His Space
If a man is in a bad mood or does not feel like talking, it’s always best to leave him alone. Men are not women and because of that they often DO NOT like to talk about their issues in the same way women do. They would much rather hold it in and sort it out internally. Trying to get him to open up when he just wants to deal with his issues could backfire and you could have some serious fights break out.
3. You’re Letting Yourself Go
I would say this is the NUMBER 1 reason why men leave a relationship and also why many men feel inclined to cheat within a relationship. It’s just a shame to see the incredible amount of women that think that once they’re in a relationship it’s just ok to let go and stop shaving their legs, fixing their hair etc. If anything, these women should feel more motivated to make an effort to look sexy and attractive for their main in order to keep that sexual energy buzzing. If you were ever in a relationship and felt like “your sex life died”, this is probably the reason.
4. You’re Having No Life Outside The Relationship
Do your best to NOT become one of those women that focuses her entire life on the relationship. Don’t be one of those women that forgets her friends and remembers about them only when there’s problems in the relationship. This not only suffocates the man but it also makes you look needy, another major turn off for any man.
5. You’re Being Passive Aggressive
This is probably the number 1 skill that women have but it also makes men crazy. If he asks you what’s wrong and you say nothing and then just mope around waiting for him to press you further, you’ll just cause anger and resentment to build up. He will do it for a while, he will KNOW that you’re actually upset, but if you constantly do this it will reach a point in which he’ll just stop caring and that’s where the fights start to happen.
All of this can be avoided if you’re just straightforward with him whenever you have an issue.
6. You’re Nagging Him
Nobody is perfect and that includes the guy you’re dating. Constantly telling him what he’s not doing right is never a good way to let a man know that there’s something he could be doing differently. If you actually want to see a change, tell him that “I just love it when you do X”.
7. You’re Not Appreciating Him For What He Does
Again, you need to stop looking at the things he isn’t doing and try to focus more on what he is actually doing. Acknowledge and appreciate him for the good that he does. The more appreciation he receives from you, the more he’ll try to please you.
8. You’ve Got Grouchy Girlfriend Syndrome
This is probably the biggest turn off in my relationships. I’m a positive person and just hate it when the person next to me is being grouchy/bitter/whiny 24/7. We as men, understand that you are having bad days, but seriously, NOT EVERY DAY. Believe me, nobody wants to hang around a negative person, try to see the good in your life and your relationship. This mentality will not only help you in your relationships but it will also help your life in the long run.
Whilst still on this subject, the only thing worse than being grouchy 24/7 is blaming the guy for your behavior. Let’s say he makes a silly mistake but you’re already feeling grouchy, when he does what he does, you simply justify being grouchy because of what he did. Believe me, this is worse than acting negative all the time. I’ve had male friends that constantly complained about doing something wrong and their girlfriends being upset for 1 week, by the time they were able to lift their moods up, something new will come up and they’ll be upset again. In the end, they all broke up with these girls and I can assure you, if you’re doing this, he will eventually break up with you.
9. You’re Trying To Change Him
Many women go into a relationship seeing a guy’s flaws but knowing that eventually they’ll be able to change him. That mentality is just wrong and is the reason why those relationships eventually fail. When you start a relationship you need to take that person for exactly who he is, not who you want him to be.
With regards to minor things like picking the wrong shoes, you can be gentle and encouraging. There’s no need to criticize him or make him feel stupid. Say it in a way that will make him feel good and inspired to change on his own. “You look really sexy in that outfit but I think you’d look even sexier with those other shoes”, make him value your opinion, not hate it.
10. You’re Not Loving Him In the Way That He Feels Love
Every single person feels love differently. Many women feel loved when their partner is supportive or when he brings her a bouquet of flowers. These gestures might mean nothing to a man. Guys have their own way of feeling loved and that way is often, VERY DIFFERENT from the way you feel love. If you just give him the kind of love you hope to receive, he will almost never feel loved.
You need to pay attention to how he responds to various things in order to work out what makes him feel truly loved. Once you know what it is, keep doing it as often as you can. To give you some examples: personally, I liked to be kissed and hugged a lot, other guys would like a hot meal at the end of the day (which I love too), others a cup of tea, others might want a massage, or sex, or even just sticking with him through the hard times. Whatever it is, you need to find it and replicate it as often as you can.